I have read a number of books on parenting, my favorite was written by Zig Ziglar. The book is titled ” Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World”.
I am happy to share this video clip with you. Hope you find it inspiring.
Parenting is a joy in my opinion. It is absolutely gratifying. Some tips were shared yesterday, if missed that check it here. Below are a few tips that work with children, hope you find them useful.
Do Not REMIND Them.
It’s important that you don’t continue to remind them of the agreement for consistency and expected outcome purposes. For instance, If your child starts having a tantrum in the store, do not begin with “Remember what mommy told you, I’m going to take away the iPad if you continue.” You need to be firm on your agreement and follow through with the consequence. Otherwise, your child will continue to test the new situation to see how far they can get with their power struggle. Here’s an example of how you can handle the situation: Once your child has started with their tantrum, you can say, “Ok, we made an agreement about tantrums. Because you chose to have a tantrum about not getting the cookies you wanted in the store, you have now chosen to lose your dessert at dinner.” The child will begin to understand that the consequences are a result of their bad choice.
Keep Your Emotions Out Of It.
It’s very easy for parents to raise their voice sometimes and bring emotions into the discipline, but it is not very effective. Try to remain calm and “matter of fact” with your child when disciplining them. Staying calm will teach them that their consequence is a result of their bad choice and is not related to your disappointment or anger towards the situation. It’s important that your child learns this cause and effect.
“Way To Go!” Positive Encouragement
Fortunately, praising our children tends to be something that most parents are excellent at and this is just a reminder to continue to encourage your child’s good behavior. When your child follows the implemented rules or does something correct, be sure to let them know how proud you are of their accomplishments and good diligence.
Sometimes we get accustomed to telling our child “no” and “stop that,” that we forget to praise them when they are doing something correctly. Following through with your agreements and consequences, is just as important as letting your child know they are doing something correctly. We should try to balance out the positive encouragement with their discipline.
Your child’s sense of boundaries will directly influence their actions. Be consistent with their outcomes and consequences, as well as their praise. This practice will help your child understand cause and effect as well as love and respect. Balance and consistency are key! Except when it comes to hugs, kisses, and love, you can never give your child enough of those, so load up!
When you join the exclusive club of Parenthood, you become a lifetime member with the code of ethics that you will always love your child unconditionally no matter what.
Although we have that part down pat as parents, we sometimes forget to implement other positive parenting practices that don’t always make us feel very loving at the time. However, these skills and practices are crucial for raising loving, well-rounded children. It’s the tough love factor.
Many times we lose the battle of saying, “No” to our children in order to keep the peace in a public tantrum situation. Other times we are so tired at the end of our day, we may just give in to their repeated requests. But, this may confuse your child in the long run, rather than help them establish clear boundaries and expected outcomes.
Here are a few tips on how to take a more balanced approach to raising loving, well-rounded children with a dash of tough love to help them grow.
It’s Ok To Say “No.”
As parents, nothing warms our hearts more than to see our children filled with happiness. However, it is also important to say, “No” to some of their requests and create clear boundaries.
Children are very smart and quickly become masters at the power struggle for what they want from you. The age-old “tantrum in the grocery store” is a prime example. Many parents give in to their child’s repeated requests to avoid the loud embarrassment of their child screaming down aisle 10, 11 and 12. But, that will only make matters worse for you next time. If you concede to their tantrum just to quiet them and avoid disapproving looks from fellow shoppers, you have now taught them that tantrums are the “tried and true” way for them to get exactly what they want from you. Moreover, the likelihood that they will have another tantrum soon is imminent.
This is where the word “tough love” comes into play. There are a few ways you can handle this situation in a loving, and effective way.
For children of age that can understand consequences: 4 and up
1) Set Expectations: Tell your child calmly before you go into the grocery store that this trip is for the items on your list only.
2) Make An Agreement Before You Go Into The Store: For example, tell your child that if you have a tantrum in the store or behave badly, we will leave immediately, and your child will not be allowed to (fill in the blank for an age appropriate punishment, such as time-out, writing sentences, taking away iPad or another toy of choice).
3) Repeat: Make sure your child repeats this agreement back to you, so you know that they understand. You are now informing your child in advance, that if they choose to have a tantrum in the store, they will also be making the choice to lose their iPad for the rest of the day. The control now is in their hands for how the situation will turn out.
3) Make The Punishment Related To The Bad Behavior: For example: If your child hits his sibling in the store, relate the punishment to his hands: “Because you used your hands for hurting, you now have to use your hands for helping. When we get home, you will have to help clean up your brother’s room.”
Hope you find these useful, look out for more tips in the next post.
Photo credit: Dollarphotoclub
My son and I were driving in the car when he reached over and turned off the radio.
He took a deep breath and said, “Mom I think I want to be an engineer when I grow up.” I smiled and stated that he could be whatever he wants to be if he sets his mind to it.
This conversation sparked the idea of how important it is for parents to not only encourage their children’s passions and dreams but also to set goals or plans to achieve them.
Setting goals is such an important element to raising a well-rounded child.
It gives them the skills, know-how and confidence to reach towards something that is important to them.
It is also a very useful skill that will most likely carry over into adulthood. Goal setting teaches our children to push themselves and break out of their comfort zones.
It also allows them to try new things and devise a plan to accomplish this goal.
Here are a few tips on how to teach your children to set a goal and achieve it:
1) Be Specific
Make sure your child sets a specific goal. For instance, if they set the goal to be a good student, encourage them to get a little more detailed. Having a goal to get straight A’s would be a good example of a specific goal.
2) Short-Term Goals and Long-Term Goals
It is also important to explain the differences and benefits of having both short-term goals and long-term goals.
Examples of short-term goals are: getting a good grade on a test, making a new friend, learning a new hobby, or saving their allowance to buy a small toy.
Examples of long-term goals are: getting perfect attendance all year, saving up for a new bike, performing in a school play, or learning how to play an instrument.
Helping your child to set short-term goals will not only be good practice for planning and achieving their long-term goals, but it will also assist with their self-esteem building and confidence when setting larger goals.
Teaching your children to set long-term goals will assist them with focus and motivation to keep moving towards their long-term goal vs instant gratification.
3) Plan On It!
Teaching your children to plan small steps towards their goals, will help them to stay focused and on track.
Breaking down goals into smaller steps will also help your child visualize the necessary effort and expected time it will take to achieve their goal.
A fun way to incorporate a plan for their goal is to make a Goal Chart.
This is a fun activity that you and your child can do together, and this can also assist in helping your child set an expected timeline for their goal.
Fail Forward is a phrase we don’t use enough.
My father always told me that there is no such thing as failure as long as you learned something from your unexpected outcome and didn’t give up.
He explained that failure wasn’t a setback, but rather a step forward to achieve eventual success. You need to learn from each supposed “setback” and apply these lessons to your next opportunity.
For example, if your child sets a goal to be on the football team and he doesn’t make the team; encourage him to continue training for tryout next year or try out for another school activity that interests him.
By doing this, you are ensuring your child is not discouraged from trying new things and explain to them that sometimes when we don’t achieve the particular goal in mind, we can either work harder to achieve this goal or in some cases, a new opportunity may present itself.
By putting yourself out there and trying new things; new opportunities can arise. The important lesson is to continue learning and moving forward.
3) Be Flexible
As parents, it is important that you help your child realize that although a plan is now in place to achieve their goal, sometimes there will be obstacles or challenges along the way that they may not expect.
Let them know that there is more than one way to achieve a goal and when an obstacle presents itself, not to be discouraged, but rather open to the possibility of another way to achieve their goal.
Allow your child to think of a new solution or plan if confronted with an obstacle.
It is important that we help our kids and have open communication, but give your child the chance to brainstorm before assisting.
This will help with the development of their problem-solving skills and confidence.
4) Praise Them
Let your child know how proud you are of them as they move towards their goal as well as when they accomplish it.
Positive-reinforcement and recognition of achievements can go a long way with a child’s growing self-esteem, giving them the confidence to try new things.
Remember it’s not just the achievement of the goal that is important; it’s what your child learns and gains along the way that helps them grow!
Photo credits: dreamtime