I have read a number of books on parenting, my favorite was written by Zig Ziglar. The book is titled ” Raising Positive Kids in a Negative World”.
I am happy to share this video clip with you. Hope you find it inspiring.
Parenting is a joy in my opinion. It is absolutely gratifying. Some tips were shared yesterday, if missed that check it here. Below are a few tips that work with children, hope you find them useful.
Do Not REMIND Them.
It’s important that you don’t continue to remind them of the agreement for consistency and expected outcome purposes. For instance, If your child starts having a tantrum in the store, do not begin with “Remember what mommy told you, I’m going to take away the iPad if you continue.” You need to be firm on your agreement and follow through with the consequence. Otherwise, your child will continue to test the new situation to see how far they can get with their power struggle. Here’s an example of how you can handle the situation: Once your child has started with their tantrum, you can say, “Ok, we made an agreement about tantrums. Because you chose to have a tantrum about not getting the cookies you wanted in the store, you have now chosen to lose your dessert at dinner.” The child will begin to understand that the consequences are a result of their bad choice.
Keep Your Emotions Out Of It.
It’s very easy for parents to raise their voice sometimes and bring emotions into the discipline, but it is not very effective. Try to remain calm and “matter of fact” with your child when disciplining them. Staying calm will teach them that their consequence is a result of their bad choice and is not related to your disappointment or anger towards the situation. It’s important that your child learns this cause and effect.
“Way To Go!” Positive Encouragement
Fortunately, praising our children tends to be something that most parents are excellent at and this is just a reminder to continue to encourage your child’s good behavior. When your child follows the implemented rules or does something correct, be sure to let them know how proud you are of their accomplishments and good diligence.
Sometimes we get accustomed to telling our child “no” and “stop that,” that we forget to praise them when they are doing something correctly. Following through with your agreements and consequences, is just as important as letting your child know they are doing something correctly. We should try to balance out the positive encouragement with their discipline.
Your child’s sense of boundaries will directly influence their actions. Be consistent with their outcomes and consequences, as well as their praise. This practice will help your child understand cause and effect as well as love and respect. Balance and consistency are key! Except when it comes to hugs, kisses, and love, you can never give your child enough of those, so load up!
In the heart of every loving mom lies the question, how can I effectively bring out the best in my child? From my experience raising two daughters, I’ve discovered that most of us have what it takes to guide our children in achieving their best. Bringing out the best in your child begins with knowing your child so well you’re able to guide them in discovering their purpose in life. However, it doesn’t end there. It also includes encouraging them to live lives according to that purpose.
Over my 30 years of parenting, I’ve drawn many of my life’s mantras from the bible. A wise Proverb that articulates the heart of the matter is in chapter 22, verse 6. Train up a child in the way he should go [and in keeping with his individual gift or bent], and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Amplified Version) In other words, lead your child according to his or her bent, distinctive characteristics or “best”. How do you do this? Get to know your child. Spend time with him discovering his unique characteristics, gifts and abilities. Secondly, accept them. Don’t try to make an artist into an athlete. Don’t frustrate your child or yourself by forcing him into a career they are not suited for. Instead, encourage them to live lives according to who they are.
My children were relatively easy to nurture and guide into adulthood. Early on as babies, I recognized that my daughters were very different. Tara my oldest, is now 30 years old and is the introvert and thinker. She was a very happy baby, and an easy going toddler. When Tara was seven years old she loved to read “chapter books” and write short stories, poems, and newspaper articles. Her preference was spending time with one good friend and her family. Tara is our writer, a fourth grade elementary school teacher, wife, mom of four children, and curly girl-blogger.
Jessica, my younger daughter is 23 years old and is the extrovert and doer. She was a strong-willed toddler and was known to have a few temper tantrums. When she was three years old she wore a dress everyday to preschool, no kidding! Unlike Tara, she disliked reading and writing and preferred subjects such as math and science. Jessica had many friends and still does. As a teenager she enjoyed going out with her friends. This drove my husband crazy. He couldn’t understand why Jessica couldn’t stay in and read a book like Tara. When Jessica was ten years old she told the family she wanted to go into business and become an entrepreneur. As a result, she is now a distribution planner at a major fashion company. She is also a brand influencer and lifestyle and beauty blogger.
As you can see, my daughters have very different personalities. It was important for me as a mom to recognize their strengths and weaknesses at a young age. By doing that, I was able to guide and teach them how to embrace who they were and live lives according to their talents, abilities and purpose. To me, this is truly bringing out the best in your children.
Photo credits: Monkey Business
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By Renee Ransom
My husband and I met on a playground of Xi’an International School in Shaanxi, China. From our first date, we discussed our dreams for our lives, and adoption was something we both wanted. For us, having biological children was not in the cards’ or something that we wanted. We knew there are millions of kids without parents, and we could not justify bringing more into the world while many grew up in less than ideal situations.
My husband and I are different from many adoptive families, in that we do not believe adoption is a ministry, or should be seen that way. Ministry to orphans is sponsoring kids, ministering to orphans, building and donating to orphanages, helping to fund adoptions, etc. Adoption, however, is building a family and taking the good with the bad. It’s not something you can escape from, or put down when it gets hard. And it’s definitely not a (ministry) project! For us, adoption was simply the way we chose to build our family. I am happy to have the opportunity to share with you our adoption experience. If adopting kids is also your dream, I hope you find these tips from our story useful.
1. Get familiar with the process: After we had been married for two years (the minimum requirement for adoption from most countries) we chose an agency, and began to see where we could adopt from. At that point in time, there were really only two countries open to us, and we chose Ethiopia. It fits best with our needs, and with the vision we had for our family.
2. Be patient: Patience is quality should either have before you begin the process or develop during the process. This is because you will submit your application, and wait. You might do the home study, and wait. You might also fill out immigration paperwork, and wait. In our own case we did a lot of waiting. Then finally we received a call, and were told there was a sibling group waiting for us. We opened the email to see our kids, two handsome, but extremely malnourished and sad looking boys. We accepted the match, then waited some more. We submitted the initial paperwork in June of 2008, and in October of 2009 we flew to Ethiopia and we became a family of four!
3. Believe for the best: Many people have heard horror stories about adoption, and the problems people have with the kids—the attachment, the hurt, the trauma from their life. We were very fortunate that we did not see any of these. We bonded immediately with our children, and they to us. We did not see any lingering effects from those things. We even had more than one Social Worker comment that they had never seen kids bond to their adoptive parents the way ours did. I know that’s not because of us, but because God was behind this entire adoption, and He knew the kids that we would need.
4. Be flexible: About a year after our adoption of our boys was complete, we realized our family was not quite done. By this time, we were back living overseas, and the process was a little different. More trips to the Embassy, and dealing with different departments of the US and Chinese and Ethiopian Governments. But the result was the same, a perfect little girl that completed our family. Once again, we had a great experience, and did not see any of the usual adoption issues. Our family is now complete, and we are thankful God allowed us to build our family this way!
5. Be committed: I don’t want this to look like adoption is always perfect. We are a trans-racial family, and that has its own challenges. But just like no family is perfect, we work together and deal with the challenges as they arise. We are a family, not related by blood, but by something stronger. We are bound together by choice, by a decision to open our hearts and build our family. We are truly thankful for the lovely family we are blessed with.
If adoption is a desire of your heart as well, believe you can, be patient, persevere and you will see your dreams come true.
Renee Ransom is a native of Texas, who makes her home in China. She is a married to her wonderful husband Josh, and is the mom to three amazing kids. She loves to travel, enjoys coffee, butterfingers, and an occasional carrot!