Beginning again: Life after Divorce

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It rarely matters how it happened. Weather it was a complete surprise or you saw it coming for years, divorce is painful. We marry our partners with the best of intentions, right? We truly believe we will be the people who make it work. Those people who have the perfect marriage, perfect family, and perfect life. But that’s not always what comes to pass for us. Sometimes our plans don’t go our way and we find ourselves on the other side of our marriages, divorced and beginning again.

Here are some tips to how to walk through the pain of divorce and start over.

  1. Don’t walk alone: Many of us are the type of people who think we can do everything ourselves, especially if we may have asked for the divorce. However, you can’t do this alone. When you allow yourself to take this all on internally it will tear you apart. Enlist the help of a professional counselor, pastor, or friends and family to help you navigate what will be your new life. Its best if you can find someone not associated with you and your former spouse, so that someone can be focused on you and not have loyalties divided.
  2. Allow yourself to grieve: I knew my divorce was the best thing for me, mentally, emotionally, and for my overall wellbeing. That didn’t mean that there was not a period of grief in my life. I lost something that I promised would be forever, and that created a cycle of grief I had to allow myself to work through. Those of us going through a divorce need to remember that it is the death of a marriage, and a marriage in many ways is a living breathing organism, so when it dies, we will grieve it in many of the same ways we grieve the loss of a loved one. This is why the previous tip is so important, you need someone to remind you that it’s ok to be in denial, angry, depressed, to bargain, and to finally accept.
  3. Make an action plan: Those who wish to move on with life after divorce are going to need a plan of action. Action plan steps can include anything that helps a person move forward with life. A few examples include, how you’ll behave regarding your ex (especially if there are kids involved), what you’ll do to take care of himself, how you’ll handle your finances, and what you’ll do to advance in the areas that create the most joy for you. Action plans can include small steps, like going to the gym three times a week, or big steps like getting a new job by the end of the year. Just make sure whatever you are doing is helping you move on into your new life.

Divorce is a painful experience in anyone’s life, but the good news is there is life on the other side, go out and live it with healing, joy, and abundance!

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Sara Galyon

Sara is a writer, youth minister, wife, mother and underfunded world traveler. She has two boys, a fellow youth minister husband, and a passion for sharing ways that just might make someone's life better.


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