All posts by Jill Assalti

About Jill Assalti

Jill Assalti is a proud mother of two young boys. She ran track for Florida State University for 2 years and then earned her Bachelors of Art Degree with honors at the University of South Florida. She is a Florida native, but spent her earlier years working in Miami, New York and Los Angeles as a professional actress, writer and singer.

She is a graduate of The Second City Conservatory and has performed and written sketches at The Second City as well as Improv Olympic.

Jill has also been part of the Screen Actors Guild (S.A.G.) and American Federation of Television Artists (A.F.T.R.A.). She has had the privilege of working with Michael J. Fox, Heather Locklear, Kevin Spacey, Danny Devito, James Gandolfini, and other inspirational artists in her career.

She is currently a Motivational Speaker focusing on helping people find their “Life’s Purpose.” She also teaches “Transform Your Life Through Positive Thinking” and The Power of Thought” to name a few. Jill is a published author and tv personality in Tampa Florida. To see more of her inspirational articles and to find out more information. Please visit www.jillography.com

Ready, Set Goal!

 

Tips & Tricks keyboard key. FingerMy son and I were driving in the car when he reached over and turned off the radio.

He took a deep breath and said, “Mom I think I want to be an engineer when I grow up.” I smiled and stated that he could be whatever he wants to be if he sets his mind to it.

This conversation sparked the idea of how important it is for parents to not only encourage their children’s passions and dreams but also to set goals or plans to achieve them.

Setting goals is such an important element to raising a well-rounded child.

It gives them the skills, know-how and confidence to reach towards something that is important to them.

It is also a very useful skill that will most likely carry over into adulthood. Goal setting teaches our children to push themselves and break out of their comfort zones.

It also allows them to try new things and devise a plan to accomplish this goal.

Here are a few tips on how to teach your children to set a goal and achieve it:

1) Be Specific

Make sure your child sets a specific goal. For instance, if they set the goal to be a good student, encourage them to get a little more detailed. Having a goal to get straight A’s would be a good example of a specific goal.

2) Short-Term Goals and Long-Term Goals

It is also important to explain the differences and benefits of having both short-term goals and long-term goals.

Examples of short-term goals are: getting a good grade on a test, making a new friend, learning a new hobby, or saving their allowance to buy a small toy.

Examples of long-term goals are: getting perfect attendance all year, saving up for a new bike, performing in a school play, or learning how to play an instrument.

Helping your child to set short-term goals will not only be good practice for planning and achieving their long-term goals, but it will also assist with their self-esteem building and confidence when setting larger goals.

Teaching your children to set long-term goals will assist them with focus and motivation to keep moving towards their long-term goal vs instant gratification.

3) Plan On It!

Teaching your children to plan small steps towards their goals, will help them to stay focused and on track.

Breaking down goals into smaller steps will also help your child visualize the necessary effort and expected time it will take to achieve their goal.

A fun way to incorporate a plan for their goal is to make a Goal Chart.

This is a fun activity that you and your child can do together, and this can also assist in helping your child set an expected timeline for their goal.

 

4)  Fail-Forward

Fail Forward is a phrase we don’t use enough.

My father always told me that there is no such thing as failure as long as you learned something from your unexpected outcome and didn’t give up.

He explained that failure wasn’t a setback, but rather a step forward to achieve eventual success. You need to learn from each supposed “setback” and apply these lessons to your next opportunity.

For example, if your child sets a goal to be on the football team and he doesn’t make the team; encourage him to continue training for tryout next year or try out for another school activity that interests him.

By doing this, you are ensuring your child is not discouraged from trying new things and explain to them that sometimes when we don’t achieve the particular goal in mind, we can either work harder to achieve this goal or in some cases, a new opportunity may present itself.

By putting yourself out there and trying new things; new opportunities can arise. The important lesson is to continue learning and moving forward.

3) Be Flexible

As parents, it is important that you help your child realize that although a plan is now in place to achieve their goal, sometimes there will be obstacles or challenges along the way that they may not expect.

Let them know that there is more than one way to achieve a goal and when an obstacle presents itself, not to be discouraged, but rather open to the possibility of another way to achieve their goal.

Allow your child to think of a new solution or plan if confronted with an obstacle.

It is important that we help our kids and have open communication, but give your child the chance to brainstorm before assisting.

This will help with the development of their problem-solving skills and confidence.

 

4) Praise Them

Let your child know how proud you are of them as they move towards their goal as well as when they accomplish it.

Positive-reinforcement and recognition of achievements can go a long way with a child’s growing self-esteem, giving them the confidence to try new things.

 

Remember it’s not just the achievement of the goal that is important; it’s what your child learns and gains along the way that helps them grow!

 

Photo credits: dreamtime

How To Regain Your Confidence After Rejection

Young girl in a white sweater drinking tea with lemon

We all have had that one big let down in our life. Whether it is a career advancement, asking someone out on a date, or sharing a new idea with someone, it stings when we feel rejected. But, many times we overlook the value in rejection. Finding the value in rejections can help you regain your confidence and allow you to keep forging forward!

 

Here are a few simple tips to help you see the value in rejection:

 

1. CONNECTING THE DOTS

As the late Steve Jobs said, “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.”

Looking back in my life, I have realized what seemed like a loss or failure due to rejection always lead me to a better opportunity. For example, when I was younger I worked for a company that sold advertising. After working for the company for a few years and increasing my sales consistently, I approached my boss for a promotion. After a week of deliberation by management, I found out that they had given the promotion to another employee. I was devastated by this rejection. However, just a month later I ended up switching careers due to an opportunity in California in film and television. If I received the promotion, I would have been dedicated to my new position and would not have received this opportunity that lead me down a more authentic path as an artist. As my father always used to say, “When one door closes a better one opens.” Your rejection just may be leading you to a better opportunity.

 

2) THIS TOO SHALL PASS

When you first get rejected, you may feel:

-Sadness

-Anger

-Frustration

-Hopeless

-Heart Rate Increase

-Shaky

-Body Temperature Increase

-Unmotivated to try again

-Lethargic

 

It is normal to experience these feelings after being rejected from something you were hoping to receive. But, knowing that time heals all wounds will help you to see the light at the end of the tunnel. These feelings tend to lighten after a few days and within a few weeks, you should be feeling a significant difference in your mood. Through each experience, we learn something about ourselves or others, and when this experience passes, you will be able to reflect on it and pull out the lesson it was giving you. Which leads me to my next point:

 

 

 

3) REJECTION IS A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN

Many times we look at rejection as a failure. But failure has been given a bad name. It is through failures that we learn how to do something better. It is through failures that we gain strength and knowledge. Failure is just a step forward in the right direction. You are learning every step of the way. When you can pull out a lesson from what seemed like a failure, then you didn’t fail. This will increase your confidence and give you less anxiety during your next attempt at your goal.  Rejection and failures are opportunities to learn and gain confidence on your next attempt!

 

4) PREPARE FOR REJECTION

Bo Bennett, once said, “Rejection is nothing more than the necessary step in the pursuit of success.” When you prepare your plan and steps toward success, prepare for the possibility of rejection. It is a step towards your success. When you look at rejection as just part of the climb towards your goal, you won’t be so shocked when it happens. The most successful people in life know that what seems like a great success in the public was over 100 failed attempts in private. Knowing this will help keep you confident that you aren’t failing you are moving closer to succeeding.

 

5) DON’T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF

If you got rejected, that means you are TRYING! Most people don’t even have the courage to put themselves out there and try. So, don’t be so hard on yourself. Have the confidence to know that you are courageous enough to go for what you want in life. Many people will live a life of regret because they never even tried. Be kind to yourself. You are doing more than half the people in the world, just by trying.

 

So the next time you put it all on the line, and someone responds back to you with a big “NO.” You just hold your head high and know that something better is around the corner, so don’t give up! Find the lesson in this rejection and apply it to your next success! Finally, if you keep moving forward, past this rejection, you won’t just be going through it, you will be growing through it!

Practical Parenting Tips – 1

astronaut

When you join the exclusive club of Parenthood, you become a lifetime member with the code of ethics that you will always love your child unconditionally no matter what.

Although we have that part down pat as parents, we sometimes forget to implement other positive parenting practices that don’t always make us feel very loving at the time. However, these skills and practices are crucial for raising loving, well-rounded children. It’s the tough love factor.

 

Many times we lose the battle of saying, “No”  to our children in order to keep the peace in a public tantrum situation. Other times we are so tired at the end of our day, we may just give in to their repeated requests. But, this may confuse your child in the long run, rather than help them establish clear boundaries and expected outcomes.

 

Here are a few tips on how to take a more balanced approach to raising loving, well-rounded children with a dash of tough love to help them grow.

 

It’s Ok To Say “No.

 

As parents, nothing warms our hearts more than to see our children filled with happiness. However, it is also important to say, “No” to some of their requests and create clear boundaries.

Children are very smart and quickly become masters at the power struggle for what they want from you. The age-old “tantrum in the grocery store” is a prime example. Many parents give in to their child’s repeated requests to avoid the loud embarrassment of their child screaming down aisle 10, 11 and 12. But, that will only make matters worse for you next time. If you concede to their tantrum just to quiet them and avoid disapproving looks from fellow shoppers, you have now taught them that tantrums are the “tried and true” way for them to get exactly what they want from you. Moreover, the likelihood that they will have another tantrum soon is imminent.

This is where the word “tough love” comes into play. There are a few ways you can handle this situation in a loving, and effective way.

 

For children of age that can understand consequences: 4 and up

 

1) Set Expectations: Tell your child calmly before you go into the grocery store that this trip is for the items on your list only.

 

2) Make An Agreement Before You Go Into The Store: For example, tell your child that if you have a tantrum in the store or behave badly, we will leave immediately, and your child will not be allowed to (fill in the blank for an age appropriate punishment, such as time-out, writing sentences, taking away iPad or another toy of choice).

 

3) Repeat: Make sure your child repeats this agreement back to you, so you know that they understand. You are now informing your child in advance, that if they choose to have a tantrum in the store, they will also be making the choice to lose their iPad for the rest of the day. The control now is in their hands for how the situation will turn out.

 

3) Make The Punishment Related To The Bad Behavior: For example: If your child hits his sibling in the store, relate the punishment to his hands: “Because you used your hands for hurting, you now have to use your hands for helping. When we get home, you will have to help clean up your brother’s room.”

Hope you find these useful, look out for more tips in the next post.

Photo credit: Dollarphotoclub

Ready, Set Goal!

a child plays in the astronaut

 

My son and I were driving in the car when he reached over and turned off the radio.

He took a deep breath and said, “Mom I think I want to be an engineer when I grow up.” I smiled and stated that he could be whatever he wants to be if he sets his mind to it.

This conversation sparked the idea of how important it is for parents to not only encourage their children’s passions and dreams but also to set goals or plans to achieve them.

Setting goals is such an important element to raising a well-rounded child.

It gives them the skills, know-how and confidence to reach towards something that is important to them.

It is also a very useful skill that will most likely carry over into adulthood. Goal setting teaches our children to push themselves and break out of their comfort zones.

It also allows them to try new things and devise a plan to accomplish this goal.

Here are a few tips on how to teach your children to set a goal and achieve it:

1) Be Specific

Make sure your child sets a specific goal. For instance, if they set the goal to be a good student, encourage them to get a little more detailed. Having a goal to get straight A’s would be a good example of a specific goal.

2) Short-Term Goals and Long-Term Goals

It is also important to explain the differences and benefits of having both short-term goals and long-term goals.

Examples of short-term goals are: getting a good grade on a test, making a new friend, learning a new hobby, or saving their allowance to buy a small toy.

Examples of long-term goals are: getting perfect attendance all year, saving up for a new bike, performing in a school play, or learning how to play an instrument.

Helping your child to set short-term goals will not only be good practice for planning and achieving their long-term goals, but it will also assist with their self-esteem building and confidence when setting larger goals.

Teaching your children to set long-term goals will assist them with focus and motivation to keep moving towards their long-term goal vs instant gratification.

3) Plan On It!

Teaching your children to plan small steps towards their goals, will help them to stay focused and on track.

Breaking down goals into smaller steps will also help your child visualize the necessary effort and expected time it will take to achieve their goal.

A fun way to incorporate a plan for their goal is to make a Goal Chart.

This is a fun activity that you and your child can do together, and this can also assist in helping your child set an expected timeline for their goal.

 

4)  Fail-Forward

Fail Forward is a phrase we don’t use enough.

My father always told me that there is no such thing as failure as long as you learned something from your unexpected outcome and didn’t give up.

He explained that failure wasn’t a setback, but rather a step forward to achieve eventual success. You need to learn from each supposed “setback” and apply these lessons to your next opportunity.

For example, if your child sets a goal to be on the football team and he doesn’t make the team; encourage him to continue training for tryout next year or try out for another school activity that interests him.

By doing this, you are ensuring your child is not discouraged from trying new things and explain to them that sometimes when we don’t achieve the particular goal in mind, we can either work harder to achieve this goal or in some cases, a new opportunity may present itself.

By putting yourself out there and trying new things; new opportunities can arise. The important lesson is to continue learning and moving forward.

3) Be Flexible

As parents, it is important that you help your child realize that although a plan is now in place to achieve their goal, sometimes there will be obstacles or challenges along the way that they may not expect.

Let them know that there is more than one way to achieve a goal and when an obstacle presents itself, not to be discouraged, but rather open to the possibility of another way to achieve their goal.

Allow your child to think of a new solution or plan if confronted with an obstacle.

It is important that we help our kids and have open communication, but give your child the chance to brainstorm before assisting.

This will help with the development of their problem-solving skills and confidence.

 

4) Praise Them

Let your child know how proud you are of them as they move towards their goal as well as when they accomplish it.

Positive-reinforcement and recognition of achievements can go a long way with a child’s growing self-esteem, giving them the confidence to try new things.

 

Remember it’s not just the achievement of the goal that is important; it’s what your child learns and gains along the way that helps them grow!

 

Photo credits: dreamtime

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