Monthly Archives: February 2015

Finding True Love

Picture of a beautiful writer
By Cari Littau

Do you have memories of your college days or your young dating lives?  Such a whirlwind of emotions and the newness of young love….ah! What priceless memories!  But if you are like me, behind all those glorified memories of my teens and early adult years lies a cloud of regret from choices I made in dating.

As a young naive girl, my sole understanding of the word purity was “no premarital sex”.  When I started dating my now husband, at the ripe old age of 14, I knew one thing…..we could not have sex before we got married.  We started our dating relationship with all the right intentions and a heart for “doing things right” but we had no boundaries.  We had no accountability partners, and had no idea how to accomplish our number one goal of having a God centered relationship.  It didn’t take long for us to start crossing physical boundaries and to realize that purity is so much more than not having sex.

My goal with this post is to share what I believe is key to having a successful relationship. I want to list out a few tips you may find useful if you desire to avoid pre-marital sex and build a healthy relationship. The basis of a healthy love relationship, is developing a personal relationship with Jesus who is the epitome of love. Knowing him will bring out the best in you as you discover your true identity in Him.

Be determined and committed to your goal of saving sex for marriage because you will definitely come under pressure.  People will not understand why you are setting “rules” for yourselves and why you want to be so “old fashioned” but if there is one thing I have found to be true in my life, it is that God’s way is the best way and when He tells us to do something it is for our own good.  He wants the very best for us.   So, here are a few practical steps to help you on your journey:

1.  Recognize your weakness.

-Know yourself and be honest with yourself

-You are not above pre-marital sex.  Nobody is, this is why we must rely on God, His power is made perfect in our weakness*

 

  1. Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it ***

-the movies you watch, the music you listen to, and the people you associate with all feed information into your heart.  When your mind with misconceptions and wrong information it is bound to reveal itself in our actions.

-Recognize that purity is not only in your actions, it is a matter of the heart.

 

  1.  Seek Accountability

-Give a few strong, godly people in your life permission to ask you the hard questions and to tell you when they see you making decisions that will compromise your purity and ALWAYS listen and take in what they have to say.

-Accountability should always be from someone who is of the same sex****

 

  1.  Know what you want in a partner

– Make a list of qualities you desire in a partner and you will not compromise not. I am not referring to physical qualities such as hair color or looks. Not that those are not important but the list I am asking you to make should be based on the character the person should have. Someone that love and honors God just like you do.

– Before a relationship blossoms, make a list of physical boundaries you are not willing to cross. Be specific!

 

  1. Set clearly defined Boundaries TOGETHER:

These boundaries should be specific and concise with no wiggle room. An example is deciding not to hang out alone after midnight.

– If you run into something that causes the two of you to stumble, add it to the boundaries

– Give a list of your boundaries to your accountability partners and ask them to hold you both accountable on those boundaries.  Take the initiative to tell them if you do cross a boundary.

 

Cari Littau and her husband are Campus Ministers at West Texas A&M University in Canyon, Texas.  Together they have dedicated the past 13 years of their lives to training college students for ministry in the church and in their careers.  Cari is a mom to two amazing children, Maci Hope (7) and Eli James (3). She mentors young women and it is her utmost desire to see women of all ages discover their purpose and identity in Christ.

 

 

Reference

*(2 Corinthians 12:9)

***(Proverbs 4:23)

**** Ephesians 4:25

 

You Are Priceless

While some people may have so much planned for today, some will simply wish we can skip the day altogether.  Valentines day may be a day that brings unpleasant memories and a sense of loneliness for some people. Irrespective of the category you fall into, I hope you find this post encouraging.

1. Know you are special: Always think of yourself priceless never allow anything change your sense of worthiness. Whether someone affirms you or not, the fact still remains that you are absolutely priceless. The way you think about yourself affects the way you allow others to treat you  and the way you treat others. Think about how people handle precious jewelry, it is handled with such care. Why? This is simply because people realize it is valuable and appreciate the worth. Every single time you look at yourself in the mirror, see yourself priceless and say it. Consciously change the way you see yourself and carry yourself. Expect people to treat you well, with respect and treat others as such. Never allow painful experiences of the past to cloud your perception of yourself, you are priceless. Believe it!

2. Bring out the best in you: I once read about how diamonds are  processed from mining to market. I was intrigued by the changes that occurred as the rock was processed. There is a so much in everyone and it takes a conscious effort to bring out the “gold” in you. Something as simple as volunteering at a food pantry or at women’s shelter, takes your attention away from you and helps you focus on someone else. If there are bad habits you are struggling with, get help. Don’t just ignore it, take steps to build on your strength and handle your weakness. Start a journey today to be the best you can possibly be.

Happy Valentines Day!

Credits:

-Written by Bola O

-Photo: Djarvick|Dreamstime

 

What is love?

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Love is a word that shows up regularly in our vocabulary and is often misinterpreted.  I have read several books and articles on the subject but I have not found any book that describes love better than described in the quote below.

Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Bringing Out The Best in People

relationshippictures

I decided to reblog this old post today, hoping someone reads it and see relationships with a new perspective.

Several years ago a friend told me that one guiding thought that helped her with her relationship was simply focusing on the positive. It sounded like a good cliché to me but I really did not think much of it. Recently, I was working with someone through a family situation and an analogy came to mind : imagine someone wearing a very lovely blouse, somewhere on the blouse there is a small stain which cannot be easily removed. If you focus on the stain and how bad it is you won’t even notice that the blouse is a lovely one, you will be consumed with the stain. If you take your eyes off the stain, look at the full blouse you will realize that the stain is negligible and in spite of the stain the blouse is still very lovely.

Its important not spend time thinking on people’s flaws but instead focus on their strengths. Everyone has something unique and precious about them, focusing on those qualities is an important step to building lasting relationships. Take time to think about desirable qualities in your friends, spouses or significant other, you can even make a list and think about it. This somewhat simple step will help you appreciate the people you have in your life and also bring out the best in them.