Do you have memories of your college days or your young dating lives? Such a whirlwind of emotions and the newness of young love….ah! What priceless memories! But if you are like me, behind all those glorified memories of my teens and early adult years lies a cloud of regret from choices I made in dating.
As a young naive girl, my sole understanding of the word purity was “no premarital sex”. When I started dating my now husband, at the ripe old age of 14, I knew one thing…..we could not have sex before we got married. We started our dating relationship with all the right intentions and a heart for “doing things right” but we had no boundaries. We had no accountability partners, and had no idea how to accomplish our number one goal of having a God centered relationship. It didn’t take long for us to start crossing physical boundaries and to realize that purity is so much more than not having sex.
My goal with this post is to share what I believe is key to having a successful relationship. I want to list out a few tips you may find useful if you desire to avoid pre-marital sex and build a healthy relationship. The basis of a healthy love relationship, is developing a personal relationship with Jesus who is the epitome of love. Knowing him will bring out the best in you as you discover your true identity in Him.
Be determined and committed to your goal of saving sex for marriage because you will definitely come under pressure. People will not understand why you are setting “rules” for yourselves and why you want to be so “old fashioned” but if there is one thing I have found to be true in my life, it is that God’s way is the best way and when He tells us to do something it is for our own good. He wants the very best for us. So, here are a few practical steps to help you on your journey:
1. Recognize your weakness.
-Know yourself and be honest with yourself
-You are not above pre-marital sex. Nobody is, this is why we must rely on God, His power is made perfect in our weakness*
- Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it ***
-the movies you watch, the music you listen to, and the people you associate with all feed information into your heart. When your mind with misconceptions and wrong information it is bound to reveal itself in our actions.
-Recognize that purity is not only in your actions, it is a matter of the heart.
- Seek Accountability
-Give a few strong, godly people in your life permission to ask you the hard questions and to tell you when they see you making decisions that will compromise your purity and ALWAYS listen and take in what they have to say.
-Accountability should always be from someone who is of the same sex****
- Know what you want in a partner
– Make a list of qualities you desire in a partner and you will not compromise not. I am not referring to physical qualities such as hair color or looks. Not that those are not important but the list I am asking you to make should be based on the character the person should have. Someone that love and honors God just like you do.
– Before a relationship blossoms, make a list of physical boundaries you are not willing to cross. Be specific!
- Set clearly defined Boundaries TOGETHER:
– These boundaries should be specific and concise with no wiggle room. An example is deciding not to hang out alone after midnight.
– If you run into something that causes the two of you to stumble, add it to the boundaries
– Give a list of your boundaries to your accountability partners and ask them to hold you both accountable on those boundaries. Take the initiative to tell them if you do cross a boundary.
Cari Littau and her husband are Campus Ministers at West Texas A&M University in Canyon, Texas. Together they have dedicated the past 13 years of their lives to training college students for ministry in the church and in their careers. Cari is a mom to two amazing children, Maci Hope (7) and Eli James (3). She mentors young women and it is her utmost desire to see women of all ages discover their purpose and identity in Christ.